Dear Bunmi, my current boyfriend is a hunk, sophisticated and loving. He is also quite adventurous in his love-making. A few weeks ago, he said he’d like to spice up our love life by bringing his camcorder into the bedroom and taping as we make love!
We currently live together, but until he made his weird suggestion, I had no idea he was a pervert! Half joking, I told him he needed his head examined, but he laughed at me, saying a lot of his friends did it and that it wasn’t such a big deal. Is he normal? Mandy, by e-mail. Dear Mandy, There is no evidence your boyfriend is a pervert. His request is, in fact, within the range of normal erotic play among consenting adults. Quite a number of couples actually enjoy making love in front of a video camera and nobody is hurt as long as both partners agree the tapes will go no further than their own VCRs. You sound as if your boyfriend’s request surprised, rather than offended you! Why don’t you indulge his fantasy at least once? Perhaps you might just find the experience pleasurable or you might feel awkward and uncomfortable. If you do, tell him you don’t relish the idea of being a porn star!
Shouldn’t I be getting more compliments? Dear Bunmi, A group of us friends are in our late 20s. And my friends are always telling me how their girlfriends praise their prowess all of the time. I’ve had some hot affairs, but not all these girls told me I drove them wild. How can I really tell if I drive them wild in bed and make them tell me I’m the best they’ve had? Israel, by e-mail. Dear Israel, It’s the average man’s fantasy he’s voted the best lover ever. Whilst all men can’t have that tag, a lot can improve on their techniques to give lovers lasting memories. According to an expert, most of us aren’t that confident of our bodies in clothes, let alone out of them, especially in sexual positions that squash our bits up in the most unflattering ways! A lover who looks at his partner adoringly gives her the confidence to stop worrying about what she looks like and starts paying attention to the delicious sensation she’s feeling. So perfect the art of flattery: absolutely nothing will score you more points as lover of her life than punctuating every kiss of every inch of her body with ‘You are just so sexy/beautiful! gobsmackingly gorgeous’! Do your homework. Surprisingly, few people take time out to discover how the body’s sexual response system works but. In a sense, sex is an acquired skill and you need to do your homework to become an expert. Get your hands on a good sex book and give yourself a biology lesson they didn’t give you in school. Refuse to have sex in bed! It might not be the most original suggestion you’ve heard, but have you actually tried it? Lovers who initiate sex in rooms other than the bedroom score points simply because most people are lazy and take the easy option every time (sex in bed just before you go to sleep). Focus on your girl’s pleasure, not yours. The better lover you are and the more pleasure she gets from sex, the more likely she is to crave it and you. Encourage her to open up and tell you what she needs. Does she need more foreplay? Are you picking the wrong time to initiate sex (like Sunday mornings, the only time she gets to go to church or sleep in)? Ask for feedback during sex, listen and then do exactly what she asks, Dear Bunmi added.